Part of a series on
Coalition of the Chillin'
Woobins - is a fag who spends every night in the hot tub with his father.
Vio Geraci - is a fag who has SA much like Woobins (but everyone loves him he is the fag that transcends gaps and boundaries).
Darius Johnson - is a fag and a nigger. He also has admitted to having a micro-penis and a neckbeard. His claim to fame is his boss proclaiming that he should have kids so the world has more people like him. Was once CEO of Goonfleet, ushering in an era of lobby dominance.
WallyJ - is a fag who has sex with girls that like to be choked, and fucked a 67 year old Korean prostitute (he has had more sex than most goons).
Gus Hobbleton - is a fag who is brothers with another fag.
Z Shakespeare - IS A NORMAL AMARR EXCEPT HE'S YOUNGER THAN HE LOOKS YET HE'S OLDER THAN HE LETS ON YET HE'S NOT REALLY AN AMARR AT ALL. HE'S HUGE. REALLY. HE RADIATES AWESOME. YOU LOOK AT HIM AND YOU'RE LIKE "DAMN. THAT GUY. THAT GUY. THAT GUY IS DEFINITELY BETTER THAN ME." YOU LOOK AT HIS EYES AND ARE LIKE WOAH I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT COLOR EXISTED UNTIL NOW ITS TOTALLY AWESOME. IF YOU'RE A WOMAN YOU'RE INSTANTLY ATTRACTED TO HIS MANY PHYSIQUE. ALSO LADIES. HE'S HUNG LIKE A MINMATAR. IF HE WERE FEMALE, HE WOULD TRADE IN HIS MANLY BODY FOR A DELICATE WELL FIGURED FEMALE BODY WITH LARGE BREASTS. AND HE WOULD STILL BE HUNG LIKE A MINMATAR.
Gamblor Jebus - is a fag who thinks he knows everything and reads Wikipedia all the time to create the illusion that he is smart.
Martin Van Buren - is a fag who loves history so much he will always be a virgin, but he is a cool fag. He will rage quit repeatedly from RTS games. Is circumcised.
Captain Butts - is a fag who is also Baron of Bonghits and cries every time he loses at a video game.
Bane Glorious - is a fag who likes writing manifestos, being asked about whether he is writing another manifesto, and taking showers at the gym with his bros.
Rycar - is a fag who likes programming and using TF2 metaphors. Brothers with VVV.
SamHandwich - Perpetually high fag who is addicted to love (and painkillers). Ask me about tricking Rho squad into giving me a mothership. Brothers with ^^^.
Midgath Stallsman - is a fag who owes everyone lots of money and is a :welp: cascade. Race traitor. Has chlamydia. Is really fat.
Brobuck - is a fag who really likes the lobbylobbylobbby. Once had a black cat named Kunta Kitty, but his mother made him change it to Toby (See the mini-series, "ROOTS"). Masturbation has been clocked at 2:50. "He hands are so soft but his arms are so strong" noted Jack Gates upon a particular foggy evening.
Robin AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - is a fag who speaks japanese and has sex with mahou shoujo Shurelia on a regular basis. UPDATE: Marrying mahou shoujo Shurelia!
Citric Acid - is a fag who spends all day being disagreable, and complaining.
Junkie Beverage - is a fag who likes drinking entire bottles of wine before losing capital fleets. Weekend warrior hipster.
Dungar - is a fag who jerked off to pictures of his sister having sex with another girl. GUYS GUYS GUYS. Most universally despised person in the entirety of EVE online.
the following people need to shut the fuck up on teamspeak forever and ever:
Aldebrand Ludenhof - Majoring in never shutting up about asian alternative medicine, and yet just loves having his medical system questioned or compared unfavorably to voodoo. Cannot fucking shut up about the immanent global dominance of russia.
Dyfed - Communicates solely through the use of catchphrases, which would be kind of beautiful if not for the fact that his voice sounds like it is coming out of his nose rather than his mouth. Has Crohn's Disease, which means he bleeds out of his butt and has to go in to the doctor regularly for intestinal shortening as it rots.
Gamblor Jebus - If I hear one more recitation from wikipedia I am going to fuck his cunt jacuzzi of a mouth with a knife until he bleeds to death.
Gajdycz - Trust fund baby, spontaneously bleeds from anus, was fingered by Doctor when went to investigate anal bleeding. Has failed at everything he ever tried in EVE or real life. OHHHH SHIIIIT MY MOON-MINING POS WAS STOLEN BY GROON. OHHHH SHIIIIIIT MY MOON WAS STOLEN BY ANZAC SQUAD.
GForeman - Sounds like a cartoon character. Almost as hypersensitive as he is fat.
Stahlregen - Annoyingly stoned 110% of the time. Yells a lot.
DBRB - Hey guys hey guys hey guys hey guys wanna hear something funny? I got a funny story. So anyways. FUCK I RAMMED MY COV OPS INTO THE POS SHIELDS!
The Hall of Shame
Adam Warlock/Vanija (retired) - "Be my friend! Give me attention! PLEASE!"
Anexian (retired) - Can barely communicate like a human being. Pretends to be Russian but is actually just retarded. Has SA, no one is sure why. Update: Turned out to be a spy.
Armois Delgato (retired) - All time most nasal voice contest winner. Talks about dogfucking and target painters.
Fallorn (retired) - Ask me about faction ammo and being in High School. Now in college ask me about it.
Firstname Lastname (oppressed by the man named Solo Drakban) - Nameless here forevermore.
Goonerz (retired) - Exists only to play nerd music when people are trying to talk.
Jade Star (on promenade) - As stupid and easily trolled as it gets.
Mike Takumi (spine snapped in auto-fellatio accident) - Sexually confused weaboo.
MoonshaSK - is a fag from australia who was born with poisonous spines behind his knees. Set sail for cockney!
Nahrix (retired) - is a fag who nobody likes enough to remember, and nobody hates enough to be kicked from the lobby crew. Or don't they?
Richter Etrenank - I have never heard this guy talk, praise be to Allah and all of his djinni. His wife (aka "mate") likes to draw pictures of him as a cat man with angel wings and a burning scythe.
- Edit** I have dumped the psycho bitch of a wife... I now am a giant faggot and arrest people for doing nothing.
Sorenson Roynex (permanently detained by homeland security)- is a fag who is also the godfather of the lobby.
Soy lu - Would han g ou mo e of e n f h s int r et was t fu k d due to bei g in kor a
Taera - Trolled to death. IRL. Literally.
Unholycrap - Has a rare form of tourettes characterized chiefly by the symptom of yelling nonsensically into his computer microphone in the wee hours of the night. Has unironically discussed how screaming at the top of his lungs is his favorite thing in the entire world.
Zosh (lost access to TS when the Chinese government added goonfleet.com to its list of "subversive web sites") - if i ever get curious what it's like to be an unloved slanty-eyed fag, i'll be sure to ask zosh.
"Have you ever been in the Goon TS lobby? Its like a very long David Lynch movie. You wont ever be the same. That said, its hard to listen to either." -Znaei, RAZOR 
"Best part of this thread are all the new school goonies who havent actually done any fighting vs BOB or GBC chest beating...hope to see some of the original lobby squad return...you know the guys who actually did some fighting... Anywho...sounds like fun times ahead for all..." -Wesley Baird, Burn Eden 
"God once went to eat at a greek restaurant. Digestion went well and he went to empty himself. Lobby crew was created." -OMEEGA, Red Alliance 
"Lobby crew are like student government or some shit, except maybe they sell drugs." --Jack Gates
"Lobby crew are in fact all incredibly dumb and no one wants to be like them." --Alesund
"You know, there are only one group I have a serious problem with going to ride bikes. That is the lobby op. Imporant op announced 3-4 days in advance... lets go hold a lobby op in syndicate. Lobby ops had 15 people the other night when we were trying to do something, and they were all flying good t2 ships... They might not singly make a difference, but it does help. Where as everytime in the lobby it seems like a bunch of circle jerking goons who I've never seen do anything other then random gangs." --HFX
"Lobby ops, more like lobby oops amirite." --General Brusilov